Pick Up Lines- LMAO!

I found this on the bulletin of my account.. interesting! haha...
Some guys would do[say] anythin stupid just to get in touch with you.

If you're smart enough, you'l know more than what the line means!

The next time they say any of these......

well...


u know where it came from! haha
___________________________________________

Hey, my seamen has the SPF of 30, care to rub some on your face?

Excuse me, but I'm freeballing, can I borrow your underwear?

Excuse me, but I have the mother load and was wondering if you had
a place to put it?

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.

You smell wet. Let's Party.

Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared
a cab home together?

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?!
I thought you knew...

Hey..somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

Have you ever played leap frog naked??

I'll bet you 100 bucks that you couldn't get all your
clothes off in 30 seconds.

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

I had a wet dream about you last night.
Would you like to make it a reality?

A woman asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
You: "Do you have the energy?"

At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"

You see my friend over there?
[Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar]
He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it.

Can I see your tan lines?

You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!

I'm leaving this place..want to cum?

You know, I never was to good at math...
like if I put you and I together, I'd get 69.

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

That's a really nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you are wearing.

Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?

Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!

Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers.

Your face or mine?

With one touch I can make you make noise only dogs can hear!

Take an icecube to the bar, smash it and say:
"Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?

What winks and fucks like a tiger?" (said while winking)

As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something?
She: What?
He: Me!

I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!

Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo system at home!

Does your boyfriend know where you are?

Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend
who could introduce us.

Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?

Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down;
go ahead say no.

Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think
it's time to see if I'm right.

Hi, I'm a fashion photographer.
Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?

I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.

I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!

I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.

I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.

I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve.

Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?]
Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

I've been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.

I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition
to find your G-spot.

Sorry to bother you, but I had to find out what kind of woman
would go out dressed like that.

Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl
comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, "Wanna screw?"

Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy
and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and
say, "Come on, we're leaving." (The key is to act like you know them.)

Were you just smiling at me from across the room,
or do I have my contacts in wrong?

What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper.

What's a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?

Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

You are the only reason why I came in here alone.

You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up
for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.

You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.

Stop, Drop, and Roll baby 'cause you're on fire!

Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?

Walk up to a guy/girl hold up a $100 (or more if you're desperate)
dollar bill and rip it in half in front of his/her face write your
phone number on half of it and hand it to them. Then say,
"how about you call me tomorrow and we'll figure out a way to
spend this money?"

When I first saw you I almost had to call an ambulance to take me
away because the sight of you stopped my heart!

Do you have a sunburn baby, or are you always this hot?

Baby you're a sex crime waiting to happen.

Did you have Campbell's soup today? (she answers yes/no)
Because you're lookin' mmm... mmm... good!

Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place
have sex and I'll disappear in the morning.

Would you like to be my love buffet so I can lay you on a table and
take what I want?

Darn girl you even look good with the lights on!

If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.

So, I see you eat with utensils. Well, I've got one that I'm just
dying to put in your drawers.

You look a little feverish. Luckily I always have an
oral thermometer on me.

Do you like blueberries or strawberries, 'cause I want to know what
kind of pancakes to order in the morning.

My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?

If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?

Hello? Oh, your body was calling me from across the room.

I've got an alarm clock that makes the best sound in the morning.
Would you like to come and hear it?

Coffee? Tea? Me?

I'm an army recruiter. Why don't you come over to my place and
"be all you can be."

You must be a chef, because you certainly are mighty spicy.

Excuse me, your fly is down. Oops, maybe not now but definitely later.

If you were a pair of pants I'd wear you out!!

Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer.
Do you mind if I try you on for size?

The best part of me is covered up.

That dress would look awfully nice on my bedroom floor.

There's an aura about you that's hidden and I want to bring that aura out.

Take a chance on me.

This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single.

Oh, I'm doing fine! And you?
(While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything)

Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?

That girl/guy I'm with, oh, she's/he's just my sister/brother.

What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.

Can I please be your slave tonight?

You should be someone's wife.

Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or
do you remind me of myself?

When's our wedding date?

Is that a false nose?

Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Congressional Medal of Honor?

Excuse me, but did you happen to find my Nobel Peace Prize?

He: Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars?
She (sheepishly): Yes.
He: Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents?
She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am?
He: We've established what kind of woman that you are,
we're just haggling over the price.

Hey, wanna see my R2D2 impersonation? (Think about it...)

Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way.
When she arrives say, "Do you always come when someone fingers you?"

Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.

Would you like someone to mix with your drink?

Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what
I'm here after.

Did you know that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'?

May I end this sentence with a proposition?

If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.

Want to see my stamp collection?

Don't you know me from somewhere?

Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'

I have only three months to live.

Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?

Excuse me, do you have change for a $100 bill?

Excuse me, but weren't we blissfully married in a past life?

Just where do those legs of yours end?

Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?

Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell out of here.

Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?

You look just like my mother.

My leech would like you as a new host.

I think my medication is wearing off.

You MUST have a nice personality.

Does my breath smell okay?

Pull my finger.

He: You look like my third wife.
She: Oh, how many time have you been married? He: Twice.

You are so beautiful, that I would crawl ten miles on my hands
and knees through broken glass, just to jerk off in your shadow.

You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands
and knees through broken beer bottles just to sniff the tire tracks
of the laundry truck that takes your panties to the cleaners.

I'd drag my balls through a mile of broken glass, followed by a mile
of hot coals, just to chase a laundry truck that MIGHT
have your dirty underwear on board.

Here's your chance to get to know me.

There is much more here than what meets the eye.

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

You are the reason men fall in love.

Hey, come here often? You could, with me.

He: Hi, what's the color of your hair?
She: (tells him) He: And the hair on your head?

Gee...you sure don't perspire much!

Boy, it sure is hot and stuffy in here.
Would you like to take a cold shower?

Are you incredibly beautiful, or is it just my chemotherapy?

Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!

So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU,
the girl of my dreams!

Are those fuck me eyes, or fuck you eyes?

Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

I would say that I'm in love with you, but you'd think I'm trying to
pull a fast one.

May I have the distinguished honor and privilege of sitting next to you?

I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing,
whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.

Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow,
she's putting me up for adoption.

Grab them in the rump and ask, "Pardon me, is this seat taken?"

Which is easier? Getting into those tight pants or getting out of them?

If I could be anything I'd be a tear: Born in your eye, live on your cheek,
and die at your lips.

I put a drop of tear in the ocean for you... and I'll stop loving you when
you find that teardrop.

Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Do you eat lots of Lucky Charms? Because you look magically delicious.

Why do you have to be so damn fine every single day? Can't you take a
break and let me concentrate on something else for a change?

Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can sure as hell make your bed rock.

I lost my rubber duckie. Would you bathe with me instead?

I tried to find the perfect line to make you mine, sweetheart, but after
searching all I could come up with was this look in my eyes and your
hand in mine, and the words, will you be mine?

Hey baby, want to play fireman? We can stop,drop, and roll.

Have you got any room for an extra toungue in your mouth?

Don't stick out your tongue unless you intend to use it.

I lost my teddy bear... can I sleep with you?

Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!

You've been a bad boy. Go to my room.

Sex is evil, Evil is sin, Sins are forgiven so stick it in.

Does your watch have a second hand? I want to know how long it took
for me to fall in love with you.

Let's play hockey. I"ll be the net, and you can score.

Are those Guess jeans? 'Cause guess who wants to get into 'em.

You: Do you have a warrant out for your arrest?
Them: No....why?
You: Because it has got to be a crime being so damn sexy.

Hey Baby, you want to come to my house and work on your math skills?
We can add the bed, subtract the cloths, divide the legs and multiply!

Don't sweat the petty things... pet the sweaty things!

If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.

The only thing your eyes haven't told me about you is your name.

Bbrrrr! My hands are cold. Can I stick them down your pants to
warm them up?

Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

I'm feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug?

You: You're perfect in almost every way, except you have one major flaw.
Them: What's that?
You: Your address. It needs to be the same as mine.

Can I have the directions to your heart?

Compared to you, the sun feels cold.

Sex is a killer...wanna die happy?

I know somebody who likes you but if I weren"t so shy, I"d tell you who.

What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ.

You're a twinkle in my eye and an angel from the sky.

I love baseball so take me home baby!

My bed is broken, can I sleep in yours?

I knew that my life DID have a purpose,
but not until I looked into your eyes.

Your lips were made to be kissed,
and I hate to see a good thing go to waste!

Weren't you on America's Most Wanted last night?

Do these look real?

Good news, the test results are negative!

I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.

There was no color in the world until I met you.

It must be dark outside. 'Cause all the sunshine in the world is right here.

Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off!

Baby, when I saw you sit down, I got jealous of the chair.

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!

If someone gives you the finger you say: "Is that a promise?"

If a star fell for every time i thought of you, the sky would be empty.

Kissing is a language of love....so how about a conversation?

Wow! You have big feet! Can I find out if what people say is true?

Don't worry, I don't get emotionally involved. It's just physical.

Do you like Stove Top stuffing? Great, you can stuff me on your
stove top anytime.

You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.

Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going...

I'd like to screw your brains out,
but it appears that someone beat me to it.

If you were a car, I'd wax you and ride you all over town.

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard,
and serve hot.

You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.

The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more
room for your tongue.

Would you like to carry my books for me?

Would you be my refugee?

You may have had breakfast for dinner but
you should have me for breakfast.

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted
to give you notice that I noticed you too.

Did it hurt? (What?) When you fell from heaven.

Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

After hearing a pick-up line:
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

What do you like for breakfast?

Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?

Your place or mine?

Are we related? Do you want to be?

Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.

The best part of me is covered up.

This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single.

Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?

Are you cold? You should be; you've been naked in my mind all night.

HEY!!! KITTEN HOW ABOUT SPENDING SOME OF YOUR NINE LIVES WITH ME?

Hi. Can I domesticate you?

Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!

Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.

Let's let only latex stand between our love.

Do you like chips? Because if you are frito lay than I am a barrel of fun!

Hi. My name is Laura. I'll be your play toy tonight.

Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.

Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!

You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."

Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.

Hey I see your wearing clothes, I'm wearing clothes, you know we have
something in common we should get together and do something sometime.

I think my medication is wearing off.

My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .

I'm easy, but it looks like you are hard.

I've been noticing you not noticing me.

Nothing like a man who knows how to whisper sweet "nothings".

Nice pants, can I test the zipper?

Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?

If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?

I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.

I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in
until the afternoon.

Hi. I'm horny.

Excuse me, but you've got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder!
(What's a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?

So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to
have to stalk you?

All those curves, and me with no brakes.

Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!

You look so good, I could put you on a plate
and sop you up with a biscuit!

Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?

Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the guy with the beautiful smile.

I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!

I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

I know milk does a body good, but baby,
how much have you been drinking?

I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Let's take a shower together -- you smell.

So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the women
excited and warm all over?

Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a
princess(or prince) like you.

Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

You're ugly but you intrigue me.

Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?

I may not be the best looking girl here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through
my garden forever.

Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?

Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.

When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my
head on the floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for
insurance reasons.

Mind if I breastfeed?

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.

I didn't know that angels could fly so low!

I have only three months to live.

I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

Somebody needs to write explosive on you, cuz your the bomb!

Something tells me you're sweet. Can I have a sample?

Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?

Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I'd love to tap that ass!

If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

Really like your peaches and I wanna shake your tree.

Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!

Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

Do you like clocks? (if yes) put two hands and a face on this.
(pointing down)

Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some?

Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!!!

Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool?

I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you,
you turn me on!

Excuse me.....Hi, I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life,
and I was wondering if Icould interview you...

Your dad must have been retarded, 'cuz you are special.

Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!

You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk
to your friend?

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

Do you believe in love at first site, or do I have to walk by again?

Is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants.

Hi there, do you live on a chicken farm?
'Cause you sure know how to raise cocks!

The word of the day is "legs."
Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

Do you sleep on your stomach? (When she say's no) Well, Can I?

What do you say we go back to my place and play army?
I'll lay down and you can blow the heck out of me!

Want to play lion? (She asks, "What's that?") That's where you get down
on all fours and growl like a lion while I feed you the meat!

Walk up to a girl who is standing and say, "You look tired,
let me clear you off a place to sit" then wipe your face.

Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long!

I know where there is a good party. They've got liquor in the front
and poker in the rear.

Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice.

First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then,
I'll move up to your belly button.

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between "F" and "CK".

Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was
wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?

I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?

I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.

If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter,
would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?

Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?

Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

Did you know that I saved a girl's life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece
of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?